Managing Sexual Desires
Can I be honest? I want sex. I am at an age where biologically my desires for sex are high and ultimately God gave us the desire for sex. If you didn’t know God created sex, sex to be had and enjoyed between a man and woman in the covenant of marriage. That’s great! But what do you do when you desire sex when you are single or dating? How do you manage your sexual desires while still pursuing purity? Here are some of the things that have helped me. Before we continue, I’m in no way saying I am perfect. Pursuing purity isn’t easy especially when we live in a world that has perverted sex, love, and marriage to fit an agenda that is far from what God has in mind, but I try and I am committed to honoring God with my body, my sexuality, my heart, and my mind.
1. Purity isn’t just about sex. So often when we hear conversations about sex or not having sex the word purity comes up and we begin to associate purity with sex and sex only. Purity is more than just not having sex in your singleness. Maintaining purity also has to do with your mind, your heart, and your actions. You could not be having sex but be lusting in your heart or have a heart that is full of anger, unforgiveness, and hate. Most of the mistakes or regrets that we experience in life not just singleness start as just a thought and if we let that thought linger long enough it transfers to our heart which leads us to act on the very thing that we said we wouldn’t do or vowed to never do again. “Don’t you understand yet?” Jesus asked. “Anything you eat passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer. But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. These are what defile you. Eating with unwashed hands will never defile you.”- Matthew 15:16-20 (NLT). The journey of managing your sexual purity starts with pursuing purity in all ways not just having sex or not.
2. Be mindful of the things you watch and listen to. This one has been especially helpful for me! We live in a world where TV and movies are filled, and I mean FILLED with sex and nudity to the point where you are essentially watching pornography. It’s a shame but, the media and the enemy(devil) knows what we as people are drawn to. Sex feeds our flesh. Sex sells. If you want to manage your sexual desires and pursue purity, I encourage you to review what you are watching and listening to. Now I’m not saying that we can’t or shouldn’t watch TV, movies, or listen to music but I am saying that we need to be mindful of what we are allowing in. Our eyes and ears are gates into our hearts and minds. Believe it or not, the things that you watch and listen to can easily lead you into sexual sin and create impure thoughts.
***Sidenote: The cute sweet rom-coms can do it too. So, if you need to turn off the Hallmark Channel for a while, Do It!
3. Be honest about your sexual desires. It isn’t helpful to act like you don’t desire sex because you do! Suppressing your healthy, God-given sexual desires may only make matters worse and won’t help you in your future marriage. Tell God about your desires and be honest in sharing what you are feeling and what your body is going through. Even though God already knows he wants to hear it from you. Silence can be our greatest enemy especially if we want to stay far away from sin. The devil will use our silence to his advantage and create shame around the very thing that God has given you. So, tell God! Share it with a trusted friend or write about it in your journal. Don’t allow silence to keep you in bondage.
4. Now this one is based on my personal experience and has a few different viewpoints so take it as you will and take it to God. Stay away from masturbation. I know when you’re feeling the feels in your body masturbation can feel like the most natural thing and some may argue that it is and that it is healthy but often with you are acting on sexual desires in the form of masturbation you are lusting or fantasizing on something, someone or some experience which goes against the very idea of purity right? Thinking about impure things goes against God’s word. Now we can’t control what pops into our mind, but we do have control over what we allow to linger and stay. The Bible is clear that we should “Fix our thoughts on what is true, honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” (Philippians 4:8-9). The word pure is mentioned which means that we are called to think pure thoughts in all ways. It's not something that we can just do one time. Fixing our thoughts on the things of God is a daily practice. The act of masturbation in my personal experience causes us to do the opposite of having pure thoughts; we tend to have impure ones instead. I get it, I do it’s hard but try and find other ways to release by going for a walk, working out, journaling, or talking to God about what you are feeling in that moment. “God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor” ( 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). God’s design is for us to be holy! Please hear me, I am not telling you what to do in fact I encourage you to take this issue before God and hear what he has to say about it.
I hope this was helpful for those of you who have been struggling or wondering what to do with your sexual desires in your singleness. The things that I shared in this blog post are things that I put into practice for myself so I am right there with you journeying through this season.
If you have any questions please feel free to ask!
With Love